I want to start by saying that I knew this retreat would be wonderful. I started out my graduate career with Kim Kiefer’s writing retreat and it’s fitting that I’m (almost) closing out my career with Dr. Zamora’s. Going in to this retreat, I wasn’t sure what to expect exactly. I wasn’t sure how the retreat would look virtually, nor was I sure about how much writing I would actually get done. I mentioned this in a previous blog post, but in the time between our spring semester ending and this retreat beginning, I did not write nearly as much as I would have liked.

The truth was that I needed the break. However, during that time, writing became a chore. It became something I had to do versus something I wanted to do. It also became scary. I distinctly remember sitting at my dining room table, picking a fight with my husband over something stupid (he probably sneezed wrong for all I know and the mind frame I was in haha). When I was eventually able to check my emotions, I apologized to him profusely because I realized that I was picking a fight with him because I was stressed. I was beyond stressed about my writing and I just broke down crying. I felt like it wasn’t good. It wasn’t the story I originally planned on telling. I wouldn’t be able to be creative and think of different plot points, let alone finish the damn thing. And I just cried, feeling so overwhelmed.

So going into this retreat, I feared that feeling would continue. As much as I was looking forward to the retreat, my experience in those four weeks leading up to it really left me feeling defeated.

But this retreat had me feeling everything BUT that. And I owe that to all of you. Thank you Dr. Zamora and thank you everyone for this wonderful experience. Not only did I wake up every morning excited to see all of you, I woke up ready to tackle my next chapter or my next round of revisions! I attribute that positivity to a few things, the structure of this class being one of them. Dr. Zamora-the way you structured our time together really helped me plan without becoming overwhelmed. I thank you for that. I thank all the amazing members of Group 3 for your encouragement and support whenever I shared my writing. You girls gave me the motivation I needed to keep going! You also inspired me. Thank you for trusting me with your stories and for your courage and bravery that reminded me why I love writing in the first place. To help and inspire others. Which you all did for me! And lastly, thank you to the remaining members of this retreat! Your blog posts and your writing blew me away and I hope that we all can continue to be a support system for one another!

All of that being said, I plan to take what I learned about my methodology during this time and practice what I preached! I’m paraphrasing, but I believe Dr. Zamora said today than in thinking about what to accomplish for the rest of the summer, think more in terms of moving forward and less about the project itself. So I’m planning my work with that in mind. When we said goodbye in the spring, I made a plan to have X amount of chapters done by a set date, and so on. I worked in two week increments. I wanted the entire story mapped out and half of it written. It obviously didn’t work haha…so this time around I’m taking the pressure off. Originally, I wanted to have my novel completely drafted by the time school started up again in the Fall, so I could revise/edit September and October, prior to Baby Girl’s arrival. But that’s daunting and sounds so rigid. Here’s what I’d like to do instead. I’d like to spend two days a week, where I wake up early, just like we’ve been doing, and write or revise one-two chapters each day. I’m already in the grove of waking up and writing, so why not make it a part of my summer routine?! It excites me to do it this way! I also have shared this story with so many people now, all of you plus members of my family, who I know are waiting for more! Which makes me feel good 🙂 So more it is! If in doing this, I come close to finishing (I have 31 chapters mapped out-with only a few for the ending to go! So it’s possible!) than great! If it doesn’t-well that’s great too! Because it’s movement, and it’s progress, and it’s growth!

Thank you all for helping me grow!

xoxo

Marykate